Audiences watched for weeks as Jason Mesnick gauged his feelings for 25 hopeful women ... women who all expressed an interest in him.
Mesnick himself had been a finalist on the Bachelorette Program, rejected at the end by DeAnna Pappas
It came down to the last two contenders. We were treated to Jason’s bittersweet rejection of Molly, followed by her tearful words, “You’re making a big mistake…. I just don’t want to see you get hurt again!” and “After yesterday, I just don’t get it!” We saw how Jason was absolutely shaken by her departure.
But when we saw the loving interaction between Jason and Melissa, it seemed right. They looked ecstatic, Jason’s son was having fun, and now they were ready to build on this fairytale beginning.
However, something started breaking down over the next six weeks after the New Zealand experience. Jason admitted his feelings for Molly had not diminished. Both he and Melissa recognized (as shown in her emails) that the magic was not growing between them.
In the “After the Rose” show, minutes after we have seen Jason’s romantic commitment to Melissa in New Zealand, we now see him saying he has to break it off with Melissa …. And “give it another shot” with Molly.
So What Really Happened?
Jason has been the fall-guy in relationships for many years. On a recurring basis, he has experienced “I am misunderstood and blamed for what others have done wrong.”
The origin of the imprints that were playing out between Jason, Melissa and Molly are generational through his father’s line. Just as how we talk about our genetic heritage, it is no one’s fault that we have these imprints; they just are.
This imprint was first triggered with his father when Jason was 27 months old. In some way his father was not being responsible in his role with the family and Jason felt blamed for his father’s issues. Because he and his father are lover-energy, the wound he felt was deep and the love-gap in his imprint was reinforced.
Hatred / Anger / Hurt is the emotional solder holding the imprint in place.
Hatred is the feeling of “I’ve been hurt and I want to hurt back.”
Anger is the feeling of “My expectation has not been met.”
Shame is the feeling that “I’ll never be good enough to … “
Jason’s survival tactic to instinctively avoid the very “dangerous” emotional solder is to “Say What I Want.” Dumping Melissa for Molly was Jason’s way of “Saying What I Want.” At the same, this survival tactic successfully reactivated his unfortunate life patterns of
- I am blamed for others being irresponsible
- I am misunderstood
- I’ll never be good enough to overcome the problems of others being irresponsible.
This imprint has “attracted” recurring experiences for Jason with different people. Significant events have been at ages 4,6,10,12,14, 16, 18, 21, 25, 27, 30 and now 32.
The Triggers
When DeAnna Pappas rejected Jason on the Bachelorette, it triggered the imprinted pattern.
To have not been chosen by DeAnna stimulated the pain of the imprint, but his nature was to stuff the feelings of “I’m hurt and I want to hurt back.” Still, he felt he was to blame for her behavior.
This imprint resurfaced with Melissa during the months after the proposal. My sense is that he was not feeling the passion with Melissa that he expected from her – and that he had experienced with Molly.
He would feel it “coming true again” that Melissa was being “irresponsible” in the relationship and hurting him. His survival tactic is “Say what I want.” This time what he wants is the feeling of energy and passion with Molly. In the process, his hardwired unloving belief comes true again: he feels blamed and misunderstood.
The Issue of Energy
Melissa and Jason are friend-energy.* It was natural for them to feel VERY comfortable and happy with each other – like trusting buddies. Also, Melissa and Jason’s son Ty are friend-energy so they would have instantly felt good together.
However, during the time after the proposal, the difference in the deeper sense of energy and passion he experienced with Molly would have become more apparent.
*Note: In friend-energy relationships I find that the sexual energy is fuelled more by fantasy, projection and hormones, rather than by a true, natural sexual energy. Lover-energy and family-energy includes natural sexual energy, though natural sexual energy does not mean that you will or should “have sex.” Molly and Jason are mirror-energy, so they would have been reflecting each other’s sexual energy.
Because Jason’s imprint was first triggered by his lover-energy father, he could carry a sense of being deprived of passionate energy.
Jason asked Molly to reconsider him, but is risking the recurring pattern of his Shame -- “I’ll never be good enough to overcome the irresponsible behavior that started (this time) with DeAnna and then with Melissa.”
Melissa’s Experience
Melissa is carrying a cultural imprint, held in place by ANGER and HURT that causes her to replay the hardwired unloving beliefs:
“I am not worth him staying in this commitment.”
“I am blamed for his not wanting to stay.”
Her Survival Tactic to avoid the stuck emotion is to
“Say What I Don’t Want.”
This imprint first showed up with her father, right after her birth. She would have experienced this sense of “how life is” with various people – most significantly at ages 5, 9,15, 17,20, 22, 25.
Her success at getting on Dancing with the Stars is supported by her determination to give herself more opportunity. However, I feel that she has not (yet) transformed the unloving imprints reinforced by the situation with Jason.
Molly’s Experience
My sense is that the emotional impact of being passed over by Jason pushed Molly into a spontaneous transformation of her imprints. She will not be repeating this pattern.
Being rejected in favor of Melissa was the “outcome of running her Survival Tactic” to avoid Anger and Hurt. This past life imprint was first triggered with her mother’s father, GF(M), when Molly was 14 months old, and recurred significantly at ages 3, 7, 10, 14, 16, 19, 22, 24.
Molly’s Survival Tactic (ST) to avoid the ANGER and HURT is:
“Not do what they don’t want.”
The previous Hardwired Unloving Beliefs were:
“I am misjudged as being just a baby – I am insignificant.”
“I can’t get him to heal his relationship with life.”
Molly and Jason are mirror-energy. This can go very positive, making them feel appreciated and understood by each other. It can also go very negative, especially if they blame the other instead of being responsible for dealing with the “reflection” of themselves. Molly’s associate-energy with Jason’s son Ty will not be as easy to work out as Melissa’s friend-energy with Ty.
How Jason could COPE better with his patterns
REDUCING STRESS is the first method for him to be more responsible to himself.
When he starts feeling misunderstood and blamed – usually when he sees that someone else is not being responsible in relationship with him, he could remember to do these things:
- Add the feeling of more good-feeling energy: sit back and just choose to feel good before responding to the issue.
- Seek more understanding of the situation. Say things like “Help me understand. What do you think has happened here? What did you want me to do differently here?
- Let them know that he is feeling hurt (betrayed, trust broken, rug-pulled-out) by what is going on: “I feel like I can’t trust what you are doing here. What can we do to turn this situation around?”
- Remember that everyone, especially when stressed, is operating out of their own survival tactics and unloving beliefs. Choose to connect with people at a heart-level – and then try to work out the issues.
How Jason could TRANSFORM the issues
Because of the deep emotion he has been feeling, Jason may spontaneously transform his imprints – but there is no guarantee.
The key to successfully transforming* his patterns is to set his intent for healing, then get some help to safely – but intensely – feel the full range of emotions that are holding in his beliefs about being blamed when others are irresponsible. Once he sees how these are his own beliefs, and that he is actually “helping” to make those beliefs come true by how he reacts (SAY WHAT I WANT), he can change.
*Note: transformation does not occur by just trying to “think differently.” It requires feeling the stuck emotion with enough intensity to “re-weld” the beliefs.
All of us – including Jason – deserve to have the true beliefs of
- I am willing to have people around me who are responsible.
- I am willing to have people around me I can trust.
- I AM enough … and becoming more.
- I am willing to be safe.
- I am willing to be received as a unique expression of loving-life-energy – as I receive others as a unique expression of loving-life-energy.
Once he transforms the old unloving beliefs, his reaction patterns will automatically change to support the new beliefs.
Summary
The Hardwired Unloving Beliefs that were being successfully replayed are:
- Jason: I am misunderstood and blamed for his/her being irresponsible in their role with me.
- Melissa: I feel I am not worth him staying in this commitment. I am blamed for his not wanting to stay.
- Molly: I feel insignificant to him – not able to get him to heal his relationship with life. (This was transformed after the rejection and before Jason came back to her.)
Will Jason and Molly survive as a couple? My guess is, not unless Jason transforms some things in his belief patterns. Otherwise, Molly will dump him.
